Mother Musing

I’ll tell you one thing I NEVER thought I’d be dealing with as I raised my own children, dealing with the sensation or visualization or emotionalization ~is that even a word? it is now!~ of watching one’s own child-hood very nearly replayed, in front of your bloomin eyes, by one’s own child. Yeah. Did that even make sense?

Let me put it this way. I’ve finally admitted that my child is sneak eating food. Oh, I’ve known it has been going on for awhile but I think I REALLY didn’t want to admit it. Why? I feel like a failure. That’s why. My child is hiding food wrappers in the couch cushions. It’s kinda funny cuz what? you think I’m not gonna find them? but then again it isn’t funny at all. It’s scary as hell, actually. Well, for me it is. Because I know what it’s like to want to eat something but also knowing that I’d get into big trouble if I was caught eating it, so I hid the evidence. As a child I never wanted to disappoint my parents. This is the crux. My child doesn’t want to disappoint me.

Since I’m speaking so frankly, I’ll admit that I still sneak eat food. The truth is, there are times when I want something but I don’t want the kids to see me eating it!! Probably because it’s almost dinner time & they’ll most certainly want to have whatever it is I’m having but I don’t want them to ruin their appetite. Yes, that is my story and I’m stickin to it!!  

Candy from a dish was the BEST because there was no wrapper! No evidence! You know what I’m talking about, right? Your Grandmother had a candy dish, didn’t she?! Only problem with it was the candy was generally stuck to like five other pieces of candy or to the dish itself, thereby making it virtually impossible to remove without making a shitton of noise.

Being a young girl is difficult! Body image and health and fitness and self-esteem and grades and so on and so forth. It. is. HARD. And being a parent of a girl is even f—ing harder. Unless you don’t care. Then it’s easy as pie. Which is what your child probably ate for breakfast because you don’t care anyway.

In all seriousness, I want to have a happy, healthy, well adjusted child. WHO doesn’t? The last thing in the world I want for my child is to go through the same crap I went through. She can go through some different crap! Wait, I take that back. I suppose she is going through the same shit as me because A) I still need to heal and 2) because I sort of know how to help her get through this. I hope. Dammit. This shit is hard, YO! 

I could launch into a whole tirade about the media and how it distorts our view of beauty and damages our self-esteem but that is a debate I don’t wanna get into right now. Does it? Doesn’t it? Does it only mess with those that already have image issues? Who really has the answer anyway?

Whoever said having children was easy was a lying sack of donkey dung. And they still are, too.

Thanks for listening (or reading, if you must be technical),

Ciao

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Life moves pretty fast. But I’m sure that isn’t news to any of you. We are coming to the end of another school year. 6 days and counting down. And while I am really happy about it on the one hand (not having to get the gremlins to school so damn early in the morning, homework, projects, so on and so forth), on the other hand it means that I’ll have a 6th grader and 1st grader! Aaaaaaaah! Where has the time gone?? I can’t believe my kids are so old. Ha. Yeah, I know that means that I’m old, too. Deh.

I’m not looking forward to homework assignments, which ~I’m sure~ will be harder and therefore more time consuming for Honey bunny. This, of course, equals me spending more time helping her. And Pumpkin will be in school full day! Yay! No more running back & forth to pick up two children at two completely different times.

I feel like there is a point when things will slow down. At least I hope it will. If we can just make it through the next week, then things should be less busy. *crosses fingers* We’ve got some fabulous trips planned for the summer. Trips that I’ve been anticipating for awhile now. I’ll have to remember to try extraspecially (yes, I did just mash-up those words) not to rush through the vacays. Or life, in general. Remember to slooooooooww down and enjoy the time. Stop to smell the roses. As ‘they’ say. Whoever ‘they’ are.

 

Thanks for listening (or reading, if you must be technical),

Ciao

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My little Pumpkin had her 6th birthday a couple weeks ago and I can hardly believe it. So many years gone so quickly. Of course during those moments it didn’t feel quick (more like eons and eons) but looking back on it now, it seems like the years went by incredibly fast. I get it now.

She’s such a character. She really makes me laugh with her antics & her sense of humor & she’s smart as a whip. I might be biased. 

We decided to have her birthday party at our house in an effort to save some money. Why, oh why, didn’t I just have the party at Chuck E Cheese?! Between cleaning the house in preparation of the party, having the party ~including organizing all the games/activities, and then cleaning up the huge mess after the party, it would have been a hellova lot easier to go to Chuck E Cheese. Oh, and it was raining buckets of rain so we were unable to do any party games outside. 

Six screeching girls & one poor little boy running around my house. Good times. Add in the birthday girl crying a half dozen times because her friends weren’t doing what she wanted them to do. I kept singing the “it’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to” lyrics. So much fun! I’ve never had more fun. *sarcasm*

Honey bunny’s been asking more questions about sex and pregnancy. She asked the husband if we still have S- E- X because she understands that we had to have S- E- X in order for her and her sister to be born but, you know, do we STILL do it? Sure, he gave her a simplified answer but he told her that maybe she should talk to her mother about the rest of it. Yep, that would be me. Nice! Way to pass off the difficult questions, sweetie. 

It is quite interesting discussing these sorts of things with my eleven year old. Wasn’t she just a baby? Why is she asking me questions about sex?!!! It’s like the commercial with the little girl sitting in the driver seat of a car with the Dad talking to her about being careful & when the camera focuses back on her – she’s a teenager. Have you seen that one? Yeah, well that’s how I feel. 

 

Thanks for listening (or reading, if you must be technical),

Ciao

 

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I’m shocked, is it possible? Really, really possible that I’m already 40?! Most days I don’t believe it. There are days, however that I feel EVERY BIT as old as 40 and then some.

I found this article awhile ago… 40 things every woman should do before she turns 40. In fact, this whole post got put on hold for about a year and a half around the time my father’s health finally began to fail because of the damn cancer, radiation, and chemo. I’ve only -in the last few months- gotten back into a place that I feel like writing again and that includes finishing this post which has been in draft mode all this time. So here goes my list of 40 things to do AFTER turning 40 since clearly I can’t do them BEFORE turning 40. Although I don’t agree with everything on The Frisky list, it is still a good idea to do most of the listed items for the pure sake of experience.  

Well, without further ado:

1. Go somewhere in Canada ~even if its only Vancouver British Columbia, it’s still Canada! 
2. Learn how to speak Chinese ~sooner rather than later 
3. Go to South America ~I think Brazil, specifically 
4. Finish writing the book I’ve been writing for the last *ahem* 2 yrs *ahem*
5. Go to Japan 
6. Drive a car over 100 mph ~I’ve come close but never quite reached 100, don’t want to get that ticket!
7. Go to Greece 
8. Try my hand at painting
9. Go on a Cruise ~even if it has to be a Disney cruise
10. Visit All 50 States ~so far I’ve been to 13 of them  
11. Take a picture at the White House ~inside the Oval Office would be ideal but beggers can’t be choosers
12. Sing Karaoke – which ought to be EXTREMELY hysterical & painful for those listening 
13. Go to the top of the St. Louis Arch 
14. Go down to Bourbon Street in New Orleans or ~really~ any place in New Orleans 
15. Take a ride in a hot air balloon 
16. Go sky diving ~I can’t believe I’m saying this!! OK maybe I’ll do that indoor air flying thing instead 
17. Go snowmobiling 
18. Go to the top of Seattle Space Needle 
19. Travel by train 
20. Travel by motorcycle 
21. Go to the rain forest 
22. Go to Niagara Falls ~maybe make the trip into a 2nd honeymoon! For the cheezy factor.
23. Ride on an elephant 
24. In India
25. Go to Russia
26. Swim with dolphins 
27. Go to the Olympics ~preferrably the Summer Olympics
28. Walk on the Great Wall of China 
29. Swim in the Mediterranean
30. Go to Mexico
31. Visit Amsterdam
32. Relearn to speak French ~yeah, relearn. What you don’t use, you lose
33. Relearn to speak German ~ditto!
34. Stay in a real log cabin in Yosemite or Yellowstone or some such place
35. VENICE!! I want to go to Venice
36. Try surfing again ~whenever we make it back to Maui
37. Act in a play
38. Stay at an Inn somewhere in Vermont
39. Go to Ireland
40. Finish my ancestry chart!

 

Thanks for listening (or reading, if you must be technical),

Ciao

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I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again, I don’t want to rush or wish these years away. However, there is a part of me that can’t wait till my gremlins are grown up and away at college. Why? Because being married and being married with children is NOT the same thing.

I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.

Your relationship with your spouse is majorly affected by children. Right? Would you agree with me on this? Well, if you don’t, then you’re an idiot.

How I interacted with my husband while it was just the two of us is COMPLETELY different than how I interact with him now that we have two daughters. And I know the same is true for him.

All of my childhood, all of his childhood, our experiences with our parents, our experiences with friends, all the cumulative experiences we had growing up play a part in who we are now and how we parent or how we believe we should parent our kids. No duh. But the major problem with this is that we don’t always agree on how we should teach, discipline, reward, punish, and love the children.

Here is the crux of the situation. Not agreeing with each other creates a perfect environment for fighting. Especially when you have two STRONG willed personalities. Personalities that believe they’re always right.

Oh, we got along splendidly when it was just the two of us. When it became the three and then the four of us it wasn’t always so smooth.

I’m not saying it’s bad. Not by ANY stretch. Our life together and our marriage has become stronger than ever before. Deeper, more meaningful. Having children has created challenges, though, unlike anything we EVER thought possible. (Or maybe it was only me dreaming of a perfect life with perfectly behaved children.)

This is why I’m saying I wish the kids were grown up. Because it was sooooooooooo much easier without them! Although I would never trade it. Now that I know what it is like to have the children, I would not ever choose to give them up. They are far, far too precious to me. They have taught me so much. I always use to believe that the kids don’t teach the parents anything. I couldn’t have been MORE wrong. The learning process is so much harder than anything I’ve ever had to learn before. And it very much does happen. The depth of soul searching & questioning is rivaled only by that of being confronted with the death of a parent or someone else as important. At least as far as I’m concerned.

But my gremlins have been great play partners as well! How else would I have a perfect excuse to watch cartoons, learn about Pokemon, and see Justin Beiber movies?!

There are times, many times, when I can’t wait to get to the point when my husband & I can be the two of us again without constant interruptions and disputes.

But! This means wishing my children’s youth away & wishing my own “youth” away as well. And missing out on all these experiences that truly make up a full life. Frankly, I don’t want to be that much closer to death. I’ve still got too much livin’ to do.

Thanks for listening (or reading, if you must be technical),

Ciao

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I was looking through a bunch of old pictures and came across this photo of Pumpkin. She was about 1 yr old when this was taken. And to this day, she still is a brat. A funny, entertaining, smart, adorable brat but a brat nonetheless. Plus, this just happens to go along with my post on remembering old times. 

Here’s the story behind the photo:

The husband wrote this on a sticky address label & stuck it to her shirt as a bit of a joke. You see, she was coming with me to the office on a daily basis and the two of us were getting pretty sick of the arrangement. She was frustrated because she couldn’t do all the kid things that she wanted to do and I was frustrated from telling her NO! all the time while attempting to simultaneously get work done. Yeah, it wasn’t long after this point that she started going to day care. And I’m so glad that she did. It was the best decision ever. For us. And I’m not going to get into a whole discussion about whether day care is right or wrong. You just gotta make the decision for yourself & your situation. 

Oh, there is still some mommy guilt for me around this but I’m working through it. Someone hold me. 

 

Thanks for listening (or reading, if you must be technical),

Ciao

Posted via email from Mother Musing

11 years ago today, and just like now it was a Wednesday, I went to the hospital to deliver my baby girl.  We were so excited to finally meet her. Little did I know that it would take the entire day and a S#!T ton of pain before she’d join us. Oh, the naïvety of the first time parent.

 

We couldn’t be anymore proud of what an amazing young lady she has become. 

 

So much has changed that I can’t even begin to detail it all and who would want to read that anyway, but sharing just a few things might not be bad.  

 

Since the beginning she has impressed us with her intelligence, wit, and charm. Nearly straight A’s her entire school life (so far- and hopefully we can make it thru the Junior High period without too much craziness), a black belt in taekwondo, and a show of determination that surprised us more than we thought possible. Honey, you really CAN do anything you set your mind to accomplish!! 

 

Such a friendly & caring girl.  She encourages & nurtures all those around her. We hold on to the hope that one day very, very soon she will be this way with her little sister, isn’t that typical?!! 

 

What a blessing she truly is to us and we are so incredibly lucky to have her. I could go on and on with this but I won’t.

 

Happy 11th birthday to my Honey bunny!!!

 

 

 

Thanks for listening (or reading, if you must be technical),

Ciao

Posted via email from Mother Musing

I was recently reminded of the time when I had to take my gremlins to daycare for the very first time. It wasn’t as traumatic for me as for some. More of a relief, in a way. See, up to the point in time when I decided to start the girls on the daycare path, I was attempting to work with them right in my office. Imagine, if you will, a 10×10 room with an L-shaped desk, shelves, a small couch, very little floor space, and a baby gate at the door. Now imagine a toddler & a mommy crammed in there. Not real conducive to a productive work environment.

As they got older, more mobile, and more adventurous it became exponentially more challenging to get anything done. So for me, it made all kinds of sense to enroll them in a “pre-school”. Besides, they were between 9-12 months old and I was lucky enough to do the part-time work / full-time mommy thing. 

But now they’re in elementary school and they come to the office for shorter, more managable periods of time. And they go to an on-site after school program three days a week that allows them to play with their classmates while still allowing me to get serious work done for those days. Win-Win. Therefore, no mommy guilt.    

Well, that’s what I keep trying to tell myself.

Thanks for listening (or reading, if you must be technical),

Ciao

Posted via email from Mother Musing

I feel as if I am constantly trying to slow down my Honey bunny. What do I mean? She’s growing up, getting bigger, becoming a young lady, and I’m doing just about everything in my power to make sure she doesn’t grow up too fast.

Is it wrong of me? Maybe. Do I think it’s the wrong way to handle it? Well, obviously no. But this is not to say that I’m not still helping her become an independent person, the thing is I really don’t want her to rush into her teenage years before she is actually a teenager. Make sense?

Like getting a cell phone and texting apps and email accounts and so on.

There is plenty of time yet for those things. But of course, she wants them all & she wants them all NOW. And she isn’t afraid to whine, beg, ask, whine, beg, and ask again. Even though we’ve told her 5,000 times that she isn’t getting a cell phone or email until point X in time.

I know there are parents who let their children have cell phones in the 5th grade (or earlier & that is their right) but for me (and our situation) I don’t feel it’s necessary for a 10 yr old to have a cell phone or email or texting abilities.

I guess I don’t want her to miss out on being a kid. Like not having to worry about things that are still way over her head. I suppose I’m trying to protect her for a bit longer before I become known only as the annoying, interfering parent. Or wait? Maybe I’m already known as that….

Thanks for listening (or reading, if you must be technical),

Ciao

Posted via email from Mother Musing

You see this innocent looking elf sitting so benignly on the shelf? Yeah, it’s a huge thorn in my side! Why? You may ask. Because it is just ONE MORE THING I have to remember in the month of December in addition to the dozen birthdays and two dozen Christmas gifts I have to remember to get, that’s why!!

If you don’t know about this Elf on the Shelf guy, then let me fill you in on the deal… so last year my mother decided we too should enjoy the lovely tradition of the elf on a shelf. This little elf comes with a storybook explaining all about how ‘Clyde’ -as he is known in our house- comes to stay during December to watch the boys and/or girls to make sure they are being good children and then every night he “leaves” to report to Santa Claus as to whether or not they’re behaving. Then he “returns” the next day in a new location somewhere in your home. Can you see where this is going?

I’ve forgotten about moving him 3 of the 7 days of the month already! Oh, I eventually remember to move him but usually it’s the next morning. Last year I lost track of the number of times I awoke in the middle of the night only to scramble outta bed to move him. Last night I forgot entirely & when the gremlins were leaving for school this morning, Pumpkin asked where Clyde was and I said, “Oh S#%T!!” not out loud -obviously- but in my head because he was in exactly the same spot as yesterday!!

I’ll have to come up with a clever story to explain why he didn’t move. Awesome. So much fun!

Thanks for listening (or reading, if you must be technical),
Ciao

Posted via email from Mother Musing